Fat Skinny Man


July 15, 2012 by benmblackman

Avid readers of my blog – last time I counted it had been read 8 times – will know that I have recently returned from a luscious holiday in Cornwall.


I can’t place full blame for the following facts on that one week but you know what it’s like, I assume, whilst on holiday? The wine flows, the cake gets eaten, fish and chips are procured and consumed. The list goes on and on because, to me, holiday is not a time to fast it is a time to indulge. Ok, ok, maybe I’ve been indulging for a bit too long and now, back home, I am trying to put into practice what seemed so easy to say whilst I was supping that wine, eating those fish and chips and planning the cake run for the next morning every day whilst away. Like a smoker talking about giving up ‘after this pack’ it all seemed pretty easy whilst sitting with the comforts by my side.

‘The goose has gotten fat’.
Am I the only person who remembers this Nasty Nigel quote from Popstars?

But the goose has gotten fat and, in fact, the goose (I’m the goose – you understand that right?) is really a skinny man by trade, he just happens to, these days, also be a bit fat too.

‘My name is Ben and I am a fat skinny man.’

I’m not Laurel and I’m not Hardy, I’m in-between.

I’m not Laurel and I’m not Hardy, I’m in-between.

I’m not Little and I’m not Large, I’m in-between.

I’m not Little and I’m not large, I’m in between.

Does this make sense? Basically my core body is made up of several very long skinny limbs (2 arms and 2 legs to be precise). Right in the middle though, what used to be a skinny little stomach is now a fat belly. Because it doesn’t have any other significant fat areas to blend in with it is quite difficult to hide (even when breathing it in – which I do try to do for the majority of the day but obviously this is unachievable 100% of the time and right now, even if I could maintain that level of breathe-in-a-bility you can still see it’s there. Belly’s not going to get me any more – he caught me up a long time ago!

Suck it in big fella.

Belly’s gonna get ya.

So, what’s the plan Stan? 

From this moment forth, I hereby duth pledge that not a crisp or item of chocolate will pass my lips before 1st October 2012. Likewise, not an alcoholic drink shall touch my lips during week days. Further still, and here’s the big one – I shall start to run again.

I’m actually feeling pretty smug with myself because I have managed to do all of these things, so far, for a full 7 days as I write (well, if you minus the Freddo I ate on Wednesday afternoon following a particular nasty headache that took me out of action for the whole morning. It was more like medicine for recovery in the afternoon when I finally got up, rater than a chocolate treat though your honour).

Surely a teeny weeny child’s confectionary treat doesn’t count as a fail?

I had though already been for a 3 mile run on Tuesday evening (blog to follow shortly – it was emotional to say the least) so I guess that cancels it out anyway.

Incentive for all of the health pledges above come for 2 reasons. Reason Number 1 – because really I am a skinny man at heart – just a decade and more of working for a living plus 3 years of having a small child has caught up with me a bit. I know I’m very lucky that I have never had to diet and I thank the lord that my metabolism works along the simple lines of – eat and drink what you like, just make sure you exercise a bit and you’ll be fine.

But when Meatloaf sang ‘two out of 3 ain’t bad’ – I think he had probably endulged in the first 2 and forgotten the third like me!

”two out of three aint bad”
1. Eat what you like – Tick.
2. Drink what you like – Tick.
3. Exercise a bit – DOH!

Reason Number 2 – is the 10km Charity Run that I have to complete on 30th September (not least because the Charity is the one I run and I have managed to persuade another 19 good good people to do the same for us). It would be a poor show if I wasn’t fit to run it wouldn’t it?

So, when I blog on 1st October (if I’m not too busy gorging myself on wine, crisps and chocolate) I will be the proud owner of a 10km medal, a load of cash for our wonderful charity to spend on the people who need it most, and a smaller belly.

Wish me luck!


4 thoughts on “Fat Skinny Man

  1. MelJd46 says:

    Good luck both with the diet and the Charity Run! You seem to have go the hang of this blogging thing 🙂

  2. […] the other hand, I did have the advantage of age and skinniness on my side back then (see last blog Fat Skinny Man). […]

  3. […] Culture | Happy Campers | Fat Skinny Man | iPads in Schools | Mentalist at Dentist Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first […]

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