The List


November 14, 2012 by benmblackman

Yesterday I got up, rushed to get ready and ran to the bus stop, just making it in time for the 7.40am bus that, it turned out, was actually a 7.32am bus.

I await a consignment from Cadbury’s for this invaluable advertising feature

I returned home and started my work there and then got the 8.40am into work for 9am. I was home just after 6.30pm so not a bad deal really. Unfortunately, toddler tantrums before bed time resulted in a record 11 Time Outs (and I don’t mean the Cadbury’s chocolate coated biscuit based variety) being required before she finally slept. At the same time I was conjuring up special fried rice for tea (once I had managed to clear the kitchen).

Click for recipe, very nice too it was

After eating the special fried rice with Mrs B and snuggling onto the sofa for the first sit down of the day, at 8.15pm, I realised I was, in fact, meant to be at the Sports Club for a meeting. I volunteer for the village Sports Club which, I have to say, is not my biggest hardship. So far I can’t see the downside that comes if you ‘support your local Sports Club’ (which just so happens to have a bar, serving alcohol).

Don’t call us hero’s

After doing my bit (it wasn’t easy, it involved, talking, laughing, joking, and a pint of lager) I returned home for 10pm.

Time to relax. ‘I can’t stand it any more,’ she said. Oh dear. Maybe I shouldn’t have had that pint, I thought. I have been going a bit crazy on the shandy lately.

‘You can’t stand what?’ I enquired. I hate it when my mouth goes ahead and asks stupid questions.

‘The house.’

Ah, of course. ‘What about it?’

‘Everything.’ Great.

Sometimes it’s best to narrow these things down I find so, after a bit more talking (an hour) and trying to get some background on the issue, I suggested maybe she should, ‘write a list. I’m sure we can sort it all out.’

In Box me

The list arrived, via email some minutes later (I was sitting next to her so I knew this meant trouble). Houston we had a problem.

Things I hate about the house:

Curtains living room

Curtains dining room

No space living room

Tv cabinet


Outside Light

Under stairs cupboard

The colour of the living room

The state of the woodwork living room

The lamps

The hallway curtain

The hallway shoe basket

The wobbliness of the table in the hall

The lack of bannister

The colour of the hall way

The shower

The shelves in the bathroom

The bathroom blind

Lack of storage in bathroom

Bathroom light

Keeping the iron and ironing board in Airing cupboard

Airing cupboard door

Curtains in our bedroom

Our bed

Our bedside tables

Our lack of ability to sort out toiletries

Toys downstairs

The messy shelves

The wine rack

The butchers block

The recycling bin


The kitchen

The backdoor

The bin

The sink bowl

The dangly lights

The internal doors (all of them)

Blimey, is that itl? I thought. She must have heard me because she added, ‘and that’s before I even start with the garden.’

A few things I didn’t think would be constructive to point out last night (but feel via a blog will probably work out just fine):

Mess: Is, at least 82.13% Mrs B’s own making.

I can’t believe you have to pay for paint testers

The colour of the living room: Mrs B picked! If it was so perfect 5 years ago (after weeks of debating and testing so many colours we had undercoated the whole room in Farrow & Ball testers with a street value of over £4,000) what’s wrong with it now?

I didn’t even know we had any woodwork in the living room, let alone the state of it. It’s all hidden behind furniture.

As always, curtains seem to be the crux of the problem here with no less than 4 entries out of 38 equaling over 10% of our woes. Give a lady correct window dressing and she will be happy forever (until she realises the cushions don’t match)!

The lamps: see previous blog Technology Overload.

Our lack of ability to sort out toiletries: This is easily my favourite. I love my wife, even if she is nuts. She was really not happy about this situation! I’m laughing writing this.

The wine rack: I assume she meant lack of wine within. Now I don’t want to point any fingers but…

50 bloody quid this was on

Minky is the name of our clothes airer. Poor Minky is like our 3 legged cat, a bit wonky and very annoying. However, they cost over £20 to replace and neither I, nor Mrs B can bring ourselves to spend this just because, Minky is, ‘a bit wobbly.’

‘Is there anything you like about the house?’ I pondered (I wasn’t confident so added), ‘or maybe just don’t hate?’

‘I like the cupboard in our bedroom, and the colour of the walls.’

Fantastic, we were starting to get somewhere now. ‘Yes,’ I said, ready for the rest.

‘That’s it.’


We called it a day at 12.15am. I said I would write up a plan for what we’ll do in November, December and January to sort it all out.

I’m a bit tired today so I wrote a blog instead. I’m sure it’ll help.


2 thoughts on “The List

  1. Janet says:

    Oh dear, the dreaded list. If you want some help with paint, wallpaper and curtains give us a call! 🙂 Don’t worry, we are well practiced in relationship expectation management!

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